Remember:
Do NOT copy any texts from this website without contacting me!!!!
twicandyblog@hotmail.com
Send me an E-mail to this website if you want to copy any texts!!!
_______________________________________________________
May, 5th
I seriously don't know what I'm doing
"Jumps out of window and lands on a unicorn with asthma and high heels ,
_____
May, 28th
Forgotten
Her star, her love were so far away,
she had no choice , she had to stay,
for so many reasons her tears didn't dry,
to so many people she had to lie,
her happy life could not be sad,
she could not show the depression she had.
An actress for life, was her futures' plan,
she would be her dreams biggest fan.
At night she saw her shiny star,
forgotten like her , in a war,
between the world and the endless sky,
nothing could help , she had to cry,
for so many reasons her life said goodbye...
_____
May, 29th
Friends all around the world
Lost dreams inside your mind,
of every color every kind.
Crying hearts and sobbing words,
laughing children, singing birds.
laughing children, singing birds.
But if you look hard and search for the best,
you'll see the dreams take worries of your chest.
you'll see the dreams take worries of your chest.
Tears dry and fly away,
only your happiness wants to stay.
only your happiness wants to stay.
All alone you don't see the wonder,
You only hear the sound of thunder,
grab a friend and enjoy the sound,
stand with both feet on the ground.
_______
May,30th
You can't stop the tears
I saw the reflection of the light in her eyes when she said it "I'm gonna be alright! Don't worry.", she said while she was packing.
_______________________
June, 21
Counting every single second
_______________________
June 25
_________________
June, 27
Music
My endless little symphony,
But now she's gone. Forever. I can't take her back or make the happened undone.
"It's a normal flight to Canada, baby . No need to be worried."
I still remember the sound of her voice...
It would never be a normal flight to me. It would be horrible.
How can a death be normal... Death is nothing you can forget easily, it's something you feel and see. Something you can't change.
I grabbed my old grey camping bag and walked out of the house.
"Bye" , she gave me a hug. We hugged each other and to my surprise I noticed I was taller than my mom. But wasn't it normal that teenage girls could be taller than their mom?
The street is empty , not even my neighbors' kids are outside. The weather is too warm I guess. I would stay at home too but not today. It's her birthday, and like every year tears fill my eyes. I can see the cemetery.
"What are you doing baby?" my father asked.
"I'm waiting for mom to call... she said she would call when the plane lands."
My father watched the news so I heard it. I was standing right next to him so I saw it.
"Plane crashes in water" That was more than enough to ruin my life.
I make my way through the hundreds of tombstones. Hundreds of names, hundreds of people, billions of tears.
I can see the flowers I put yesterday. The shiny red roses which remind me of her. Her beautiful warm rosy cheeks. I sit down and take my candles and my family photo out. And again I can't stop the tears from falling.
I didn't know funerals are so sad. Maybe because I have never been to one before.
What I know for sure is , is that I miss her. I miss her like hell..
Life will never be the same ...
The candles' light isn't a lot but enough to see the picture. Slowly I glide over her name with my fingers. The stone is too cold.. not like her at all.
' A caring mother and a lovely wife'
Tears fall on the old stone and my voice isn't louder than a silent whisper....
Tears fall on the old stone and my voice isn't louder than a silent whisper....
" I love you Mom"
______
June, 3rd
Rusting Wings
Rusting Wings are unafraid,
covered with love and endless shade,
made to be an angels' friend,
from the lovely beginning to the fast end.
Wings of Truth and Peace fly high,
higher than the clouds in the sky,
to the dreams of so many people,
waiting in the heavens' steeple.
I just met my angel with my star,
We told each other who we are,
I smiled at them and they did the same,
The next night they came to me again,
with the same Innocent smile,
but then after a while,
The angels' wings just disappeared,
it happened now what he feared.
I didn't see my angel again,
I saw my star here and then,
but my heart wanted to help.
Then one night I heard a yelp,
It was full of anger and fear,
The situation was so clear,
It had to be the angels' wings,
So much was clear, so many things...
I was dressed like I never would,
I did things I never should..
When I told my angel he cried so loud,
my heart broke.. this angel was so happy and proud.
This made me make my decision fast..
I'm not gonna be the last..
I climbed every tower i found..
searched every house on the ground..
I found the wings deep in a dungeons darkness,
I was shocked though I didn't except less..
the wings started to rust and tears were everywhere..
I took them with me.. far away from there.
Leaving the fear all alone..
passing the graves of the unknown.
I swore I would keep my life fighting,
for all those people hiding..
The angel smiled he grinned he laughed.
Two souls together at last.
I might add Wings can't live.
But they can rust just like dreams do..
left in the dungeon of our minds..
Dreams and hopes of all kind..
covered with love and endless shade,
made to be an angels' friend,
from the lovely beginning to the fast end.
Wings of Truth and Peace fly high,
higher than the clouds in the sky,
to the dreams of so many people,
waiting in the heavens' steeple.
I just met my angel with my star,
We told each other who we are,
I smiled at them and they did the same,
The next night they came to me again,
with the same Innocent smile,
but then after a while,
The angels' wings just disappeared,
it happened now what he feared.
I didn't see my angel again,
I saw my star here and then,
but my heart wanted to help.
Then one night I heard a yelp,
It was full of anger and fear,
The situation was so clear,
It had to be the angels' wings,
So much was clear, so many things...
I was dressed like I never would,
I did things I never should..
When I told my angel he cried so loud,
my heart broke.. this angel was so happy and proud.
This made me make my decision fast..
I'm not gonna be the last..
I climbed every tower i found..
searched every house on the ground..
I found the wings deep in a dungeons darkness,
I was shocked though I didn't except less..
the wings started to rust and tears were everywhere..
I took them with me.. far away from there.
Leaving the fear all alone..passing the graves of the unknown.
I swore I would keep my life fighting,
for all those people hiding..
The angel smiled he grinned he laughed.
Two souls together at last.
I might add Wings can't live.
But they can rust just like dreams do..
left in the dungeon of our minds..
Dreams and hopes of all kind..
____
June, 16th
Acting
An actor and Innocent smile ,
One laugh one typed smiley,
everything seems to be OK..
Crying silent so no one would notice,
it feels like you have no more tears left to cry,
a single word and you stress out..
Broken from the inside ,
Smiling from the outside ,
and endless acting part ..
Your imagined medicine is to be strong ,
is to don't care is to show,
you don't want anyone one to know..
Your dark little secret
no one should know..
if people care it would be even worse..
Everyday you wake up and know what you have to do,
act like a star , which is hanging in the sky,
wants to come down but has nothing left than cry..
Ignoring the people whose words have hurt you,
not thinking of showing them how great you are,
just walking smiling , the greatest person inside hiding..
I watch you silently , I know the person tortured inside,
I wish you would show them who you are ,
they will want to be like the person they will see .
______________
June, 20th
Silence
A world full of words,
which I can not hear.
Talking people , it looks so strange..
My silent word a single tear..
I see the people talking to me,
I don't understand how should I?
And when they don't get an answer
they look angry and sparks fly..
Do they know I don't understand?
I am not blind I see them talk!
I just don't hear what people want..
June, 20th
Silence
A world full of words,
which I can not hear.
Talking people , it looks so strange..
My silent word a single tear..
I see the people talking to me,
I don't understand how should I?
And when they don't get an answer
they look angry and sparks fly..
Do they know I don't understand?
I am not blind I see them talk!
I just don't hear what people want..
_______________________
June, 21
Counting every single second
I see you live your life , the way you want it to be. You are enjoying it not thinking and not caring. Like a closed book not using the Knowledge you could take from it.
Now I think what I could do to show the others what you do. Without being the bad one I try to protect you from.
_______________________
June 25
From the beginning to the end,
No more room for me ,
just the place I stand,
A little nice place to be.
_________________
June, 27
Music
My endless little symphony,
no one can here it but me ,
it plays itself in my little mind,
it's the only thing you'll find.
I thought music lessons were made to sleep in,
i mean who cares about what music has been?
Ohh I would love to sing all day,
I will sing all day in my way..
Making people smile and listen all day long,
But I have to admit something feels wrong,
Ohh What is this missing thing?
I turn on my voice and start to sing...
Music is the blood running through your soul,
it is the missing what time has stolen,
just open up your mind and start to sing!
My favorite little thing ..
________________
July 26 2010
I wonder how birds feel...
It must be beautiful to fly higher than the clouds can climb the sky...
Only the stars can top them..
____________
I am Happy, I love living Life
I'll never understand,
Why people don't live their lives and enjoy,
Why somewhere in the dark,
is always a light that everybody ignores.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dark light,
waiting to arise,
but the sunrise of the dark,
is like the tear of the angels' guard..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When a friends tell you about the truth,
and you feel like you can't just believe in it being true,
your minds may go different ways,
but friends' souls never depart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 4 2010
V&N
Lady China
Don't call my name
Don't call my name Chinese noodles!
I'm not your fan
I'm not you fan! Chinese Nooodles!
don't wanna cheese don't wanna salt
just want my fork so hush...
don't cut me down down cut me down..
Chinese noodles
By SophieNora
Presented by : SophieNora Entertainment.
---------------------------------------------------
August 12 2010
Hiding Talent
Written but never said .
Life isn't easy , it never was and never will be.
It can only get harder by being mistaken or hated .
Your soul can shatter because of a threat.
Not enough words to describe how you feel.
Anger filled or near to tear...
No one will ever see the unspoken truth.
The act you play is far away from the real.
You laugh at me and call me a freak
I am different , I am me
I am not safe I'm on the brink.
I don't need help but I am weak...
The Bloodline is the pain that gives me strength
Blood is the power I need to see.
It's what makes me myself, makes me complete..
---------------------------
I don't last forever
Like a flower
I grow until I'm done growing
Then I fade.
I don't fade forever
Like a cold stone , not feeling anything
I hope until the hopes seem silly
Then I cry
I can't cry forever
Like no one else can
I cry until the suffer leaves me alone
Then I try.
I can try forever
Like everybody should
I won't give up on life, I won't trust your lies
Then I live.
I can't live forever
Like nobody ever could
But I can live every second like it's my last
Then I I'll be happy.
Sunset Diary Series
1)
Dear Diary,
Sunny days don't always last forever.
Just like a friendship doesn't always survive a year or more...
Everything has it's time to begin and his time to end. How sad it may be for those who see it fade away, but that is the way it should and has to be...
I don't believe that everything is written.. I don't believe that somewhere in the sky your future is written in a book no one will ever read..
You can always change your life.. Like your driving a car , you choose the way you want to take and sometimes you get lost .. take a wrong way and you feel like no hope is left in the whole dark empty world.
But what I believe in is that everything happens for a reason, maybe it is for the best that you went that way.. Maybe god wanted it like that..
But if there is no happy end.. it is not the ending..
My friends would have laughed at me right now..
They would have shacked their head.. saying that I think in a way too difficult way. They live life in a different way that I do. I don't think they really care about what's going on around them.
Maybe I am the weird one.. " I should live my life" that is what they say. But I am living! I don't get it!!!
Dear Diary.. that's why I began writing in you.
I began to write a diary a lot when I was younger. But it never was something more about this whole diary thing I wrote, then the wish being like these stupid girls in TV...
I want to get all my thoughts together in one single book..
I hope I can do it..
2)
Dear Diary,
my life is great the way it is. I don't want to change anything.
It is just the best if I leave it the way it is..
Sometimes when you try to make something better you make it much worse and you regret what you've done. And I don't think I want to take that risk.
We were shopping today, me and my friends bought some cool stuff.
On our way home in the bus I looked out of the window and I saw this old man...
He was sitting there on the street , begging for money..
It broke my heart, because we had just spent so much money..
I told the bus driver to stop and went to the old man , he looked at me and I gave him some money in his hand.. I saw myself in the man , I knew it could easily be me..
I had luck to be born in a family like mine , with friends who hep me ..
After I went to the bus everyone looked at me kind of strange.. Of course my friend asked me why I did that.. I answered "Because if I hadn't done it , probably no one would have done it.. "
They smiled at me and shacked their head.. They made me smile.
I felt so much better after that..
I had this good feeling you always have ,when you do something good.
Dear Diary .. I learned a lot ♩♪♫♬
3)
Dear Diary,
I learned , although I don't want my life to change, it changes.
I learned , although I don't want a leaf to fall, I can't let it stick onto a tree forever. When autumn comes it blows it away. Into a whole other world.
Who knows how far that is? Who knows where the leaf will land? Who knows when it will be blown away and if it's ever going to come back ?
My friend has been crying the whole day today. Her grandfather just died. I helped her as good as I could. But even if I wanted the tears not to fall.. they fell.. And I couldn't let a miracle happen and take her family back to our world. I'm a girl , not a god..
But I'm disappointed from myself today. I saw how sad she was. It remembered me when my granduncle had died. My problem is , yes I was sad, of course. But I didn't cry. Until now. I saw my whole family cry. Everyone but me. I think I cried now because I thought about it , why I didn't cry . But I am not sure why I cried, maybe because I was sad .. but maybe because I was disappointed from myself.
You see , I didn't want anything to change. But a lot changed. I changed..
4)
Dear Diary,
I've been asking myself a lot of questions.
Why am I actually writing this?
I thought I would write a diary , so it could help me cope with everything..
I thought it could help me think about everything better.. look at something from all different ways..
But now I think what really made me begin writing this..
Maybe I want someone to find my diary? Maybe I want someone to read it.. but why?
So this someone could help me? Help me with what? Understanding?? Maybe I just needed someone to talk with. Even if this someone is a book.. I need to empty all of my feelings I got inside of my heart. They are way too much that I could deal with them!
I can't look deep into my heart and look for the reason why I am so different, why I am so confused and so sad right now.
If I think about it I would start to cry , I dunno why I would just start to cry..
And it would be very hard for me to stop. Am I depressive? And I just try to ignore everything?
Great now I actually start to think like an Emo..
Well back to the basics..
It's like my heart is a bag.. every time something happens it gets a little but more full..And when I try to look inside it , I can't find the beginning of it. The reason of it.
It's confusing I know. But it's true.
Yeah.. maybe that's the reason I began writing this.. Because I had too much to cope with.. I couldn't empty the bag..
I guess I have to live with the way I am.. I can't change who I am.. or what happened...
I have to find a way to empty the bag..
Before it's too full..
5)
Dear Diary,
Did I tell you what my dream was?
I wanted to help people.. I wanted to get sure no one is hurt..
I wanted to win mission impossible.. I knew it would be hard.
But I never lose hope..
After I few years I asked myself if some people were worth it...
Now I'm sure some people don't deserve help..
I'm not mean or something but seriously I give people second chances.. I help people daily..
I always think if helping doesn't harm me it's ok to help me..
But turned out some people seriously don't care if it harms you or not.. they just put salt in the wound..
I think people deserve a second chance, I always imagine me.. needing this second chance..
So I try to forget about the past , smile and be nice...
But seriously .. sometimes people don't know what it means to be nice..
You know the quote " You give them a finger and they take your whole arm"?
I can understand that !!!
Even if you give this people a third , a forth and even a fifth change.. or more.. they'll never learn..
And if you ask them for help, may it be the most stupid little thing in the whole world, they'll find any excuse in the whole world ... and just say no.. like they are stupid machines..
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!
And then when they need help they'll come back to you, and if you say no now... They'll be like.. " YOUR SO MEAN!" .. OH COME ON !!!
I think a lot f people know people like this..
What they say next is : I give u everything you want!!! I am so nice to you!
And you are like : excuse me... have u actually ever done ANYTHING nice to me?
Dear Diary ,
I am officially not in a good mood..
6)
7)
I'm waiting at the airport..
For one weekend I will escape my daily everyday and go visit my cousin..
She lives in the next city , so it's not very far away.. But the train station had some problems in past few weeks so my parents decided to go with a plane.. I will be alone with my younger brother .. I'm in charge ... -happy-
I wonder if my parents will miss me.. When people travel I'm sad at the beginning but then my sadness fades away and everything is OK..
Why do we miss people when they go away, move away.. or just aren't as close to us as they maybe were before?
Are we scared that something may happen to them , and we can't to anything to help them?
Maybe because I could change , and I won't be the girl they knew before..?
I don't know.. But I hope my mom won't cry .. it would break my heart!!!
Dear Diary ,
It's time for me to go on board..
8)
Dear Diary,
everyone is sleeping, including my little brother. He looks so cute :)
I'm still in the plane. I didn't know that it was such a long flight!!!
Oh god..
I think I'm the only one awake...
Why am I always different? I'm always standing out of the crowd.
It's good .. but I begin to think that to be different isn't always that good..
You should never regret being yourself. That's for sure. And the worst thing you can do is act because you are ashamed of your real self ..
But it's not that funny if you are always alone. If you are the only one standing out if the crowd. It makes you feel weird and not welcome ..
Just like me now. Like a white dot in the middle of a big black piece of paper.
It can hurt. Because your Fantasy will begin to work. And you'll think that you will never find friends in this crazy weird world.
I know this feeling , I have it a lot. People say I'm funny and sometimes they laugh so hard I start to laugh too .
But that's it , there's like no one I know who is like me. Who at least just thinks like me.
It makes you feel like an total outsider.
Dear Diary,
Keeping your real self alive is hard. When not nearly impossible.
But you'll never regret it! You can't be blamed because you acted different for one day anymore. I just spotted a boy who's awake now. And gosh he is cute!!! Doesn't sound like me does it?
But ... see I'm not alone anymore :D
9)
I won't lie... I've got a crush on that guy I saw on the plane.. The only one with his light on.. except me -grins-
So I'm in a crushy mood :D
Let me describe him :
Brown hair , beautiful sea-blue eyes, very tall.. and unbelievably cute .. Btw his name is Kevin :P
You wanna know where I know his name from , Ha??
Well I "tripped" over his bag .. and after he helped me to get up again.. I looked into his eyes ( that's why I know they are sea-blue) and just said my name .. my name is Destiny -smile- I never told you before .. I dunno why... when I know I'll tell you first XD. He said his name after I told him mine.. Turned out we live near each other!!!
I look forward to meet him when we come back home ..
Let's talk about my crazy thoughts ..
Why is love so important to people? Even me, the one who thinks in a little bit different kind of way, couldn't hold herself from getting a crush like every girl.. And I even thought of a plan how to know his name.. Did I tell you I also got his number? YAY!
I'm acting way to girlish than I normally do.. this is getting weird.. lol
But seriously a girls' life can go from AWESOME to BAAAAD because of a guy.. that's stupid right?
You should never care about a guy "too" much .. never forget your friends!!!!! That's like the most important rule in the Girl-codex..
If you wonder what that is.. it's pretty easy to understand. It's like some rules who keep us women together!
And they aren't really written down some where , it's in a girls' brain...
Always ask yourself these questions and you always know what to do:
Sunset Diary 10
I'm waiting alone at home for my family to come. My aunt is taking my little brother from Nursery school and my cousin is at a friends' house to study..
It's so silent. I can hear the souls in the walls.. if you wonder why I just wrote that I'll explain it for you.
My cousins' house is over 300 years old. I do believe in spirits and ghosts. I believe that every soul has to has an end. And I think if this soul has been tortured it can't find a good end. It will stay alive looking for a way to get a better ending ..
Like every one who lives in this house is dead. I have the weird feeling that I can hear them scream.. Not all of them but a few. It hurts deep inside of me .. Like I want to help but I can't.
That's just another weird way I think ...
Let's talk about some other weird ways..
Do you think there are more planets with life on it than ours?
I mean why not? I think that like we have a bazillion planets in only OURS...
For example those tiny Motes which fly in the air sometimes. Imagine little very tiny people living on there. Maybe the room where this mote is is like a universe for the thing that lives on that mote..
Of course they may look different .. but at least there LIFE on it , right?
This little mote could me a whole other planet we just can't discover.. because it's so tiny.. or maybe we are just something like a "mote" .. but how could we know the truth?
Basically a mote is a planet.. Imagine all those Bacteria and Microbes living on it...
Maybe there is more life on it than we think?
I can't just understand the people who think that there is no more for human being to discover. It seems so impossible to me...
Dear Diary,
maybe the human is too dumb to see those little things sometimes.
But only thinking of it is very exciting.. We should have an eye on it..
x
________________
July 26 2010
" The little bee flew away from the dark , she can't find the way back to her home.
Where her family and friends are waiting for her and where she is safe from the ghosts of the night.
Tired and happy she reacher her house, she lies down to breath , but her breath hurts her so deeply she cries.
The bees' tears shine the suns' light. You should never loose hope she thinks , she takes the breath, and notices that the pain she felt was just in her head. And not real"
When the lights go out,
and the sounds go silent,
I look at the sky and think what had happened,
since the sunset had begun.
I make my steps through the room,
throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling,
but I don't see more than the dark.
I close my eyes hoping to see,
what I wanted the world to be..
But still .. even now.. theres no space for dreams.
Well let's just think clear,
if you want dreams to come true..
You have nothing else to do than close your eyes and dream..
The light will come all by itself.
Childrens' eyes see so much more than the sun and the moon at their highest point,
meeting each others eyes , before exploding and leaving the secrets undiscovered.
I wonder how birds feel...
It must be beautiful to fly higher than the clouds can climb the sky...
Only the stars can top them..
____________
I am Happy, I love living Life
I'll never understand,
Why people don't live their lives and enjoy,
Why somewhere in the dark,
is always a light that everybody ignores.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dark light,
waiting to arise,
but the sunrise of the dark,
is like the tear of the angels' guard..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When a friends tell you about the truth,
and you feel like you can't just believe in it being true,
your minds may go different ways,
but friends' souls never depart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 4 2010
V&N
If your'e not loved,
you could think,
That lifes not easy,
Living on the brink.
You want to be loved,
Live everybody is,
Do anything for love,
Just to be his.
But it hurts even more to be betrayed
Not knowing when to trust
and keep your heart caged.
The idea of being loved again..
keeps even a broken heart sane.--------------------------
Lady China
CHINESE LADY GAGA!!!
Don't call my nameDon't call my name Chinese noodles!
I'm not your fan
I'm not you fan! Chinese Nooodles!
don't wanna cheese don't wanna salt
just want my fork so hush...
don't cut me down down cut me down..
Chinese noodles
By SophieNora
Presented by : SophieNora Entertainment.
---------------------------------------------------
August 12 2010
Hiding Talent
Written but never said .
Life isn't easy , it never was and never will be.
It can only get harder by being mistaken or hated .
Your soul can shatter because of a threat.
Not enough words to describe how you feel.
Anger filled or near to tear...
No one will ever see the unspoken truth.
The act you play is far away from the real.
You laugh at me and call me a freak
I am different , I am me
I am not safe I'm on the brink.
I don't need help but I am weak...
The Bloodline is the pain that gives me strength
Blood is the power I need to see.
It's what makes me myself, makes me complete..
---------------------------
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Chiclitz
" Lost inside the devils eyes ,
he controls you with his charm and lies.
Escape the beauty's dark embrace ,
He never shows his real face."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
HoN inspired poem. "Kalonas rise"
"Why should I trust you, if you don't see me?
You said you loved me , but you don't notice me.
How can I love someone who can't complete me?"
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
TVD inspired. "Miss Mystic Falls"
"You saved them can you save me?
I cannot change what I am myself.
It hurts to see how I am.
But only your love can save me."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
HoN
"If you didn't exist, I'll still be hiding.
If you didn't love me , I'll still be alone.
If you didn't show me , I'll still be wrong.
If you didn't read this , It'll still be unread."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
"If love is the way and you are the end,
How can I get to you without getting hurt?
I will find the way without being sent."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
he controls you with his charm and lies.
Escape the beauty's dark embrace ,
He never shows his real face."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
HoN inspired poem. "Kalonas rise"
"Why should I trust you, if you don't see me?
You said you loved me , but you don't notice me.
How can I love someone who can't complete me?"
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
TVD inspired. "Miss Mystic Falls"
"You saved them can you save me?
I cannot change what I am myself.
It hurts to see how I am.
But only your love can save me."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
HoN
"If you didn't exist, I'll still be hiding.
If you didn't love me , I'll still be alone.
If you didn't show me , I'll still be wrong.
If you didn't read this , It'll still be unread."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
"If love is the way and you are the end,
How can I get to you without getting hurt?
I will find the way without being sent."
-Copyright by Nora Tarraf, fudgylicious.blogspot.com
-----------------------------------------------
August 17 2010
2pm and still alive!
"I miss you ,
The seconds I live without you seem like years.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I should have told you that before.
But my heart tells me to lie.
To hide the truth.
You've always been there for me.
I couldn't accept you being gone!
You just disappeared like the sun at the sunset.
I hope , you will like her, rise once again.
So I don't have to accept the fact.
That I will never see you again.
I told my heart you are coming back.
It believed me too easily ,
and I thought it would be okay now.
Now that my heart thought you'd come back for me.
To take me with you.
But my mind didn't believe my as easy as my heart did.
My mind always reminded me
that you won't come back anymore.
So I have to keep it busy
and ignore it.
The thought of you disappearing could kill me.
It just hurts too much."
The seconds I live without you seem like years.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I should have told you that before.
But my heart tells me to lie.
To hide the truth.
You've always been there for me.
I couldn't accept you being gone!
You just disappeared like the sun at the sunset.
I hope , you will like her, rise once again.
So I don't have to accept the fact.
That I will never see you again.
I told my heart you are coming back.
It believed me too easily ,
and I thought it would be okay now.
Now that my heart thought you'd come back for me.
To take me with you.
But my mind didn't believe my as easy as my heart did.
My mind always reminded me
that you won't come back anymore.
So I have to keep it busy
and ignore it.
The thought of you disappearing could kill me.
It just hurts too much."
-----------------------------
September 6 2010
My bro is comming hooray taaaaheeeeyyy!
'After you kiss me
I'm scared of the next
will you be mine
or was it the last kiss I'll get?
After you look at me
I'm scared of the past
will it become the future
or just part of my soul?
After I saw you walk away,
I'm scared because I don't know
will I ever see you again
or will the history repeat once again?
--------------------
I see you there
so far away from me
still I can't live in the happening
I dream about you not being impossible.
Call me insane
if it is what you think I am
still I won't stop living the way I do
and I won't stop looking for you
my only way out..
I'm sure when I get to you
My fears will hide where the sky is bleeding
The sun can only save them
just as I can only be saved by you
my only way out..
my dream come true.'
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Forever
I don't last foreverLike a flower
I grow until I'm done growing
Then I fade.
I don't fade forever
Like a cold stone , not feeling anything
I hope until the hopes seem silly
Then I cry
I can't cry forever
Like no one else can
I cry until the suffer leaves me alone
Then I try.
I can try forever
Like everybody should
I won't give up on life, I won't trust your lies
Then I live.
I can't live forever
Like nobody ever could
But I can live every second like it's my last
Then I I'll be happy.
Kill my doubts to make me believe
your words won't make me forget the past.
You killed my trust once before
Don't think I don't know how to harm.
Innocence doesn't last forever
You can't kill me every day
You'll see the tears gliding down my cheeks
Will you make wash them away orignore?
Maybe I know the answer
But maybe I want to believe
That little bit hope that's left within me
is what makes me breath.
your words won't make me forget the past.
You killed my trust once before
Don't think I don't know how to harm.
Innocence doesn't last forever
You can't kill me every day
You'll see the tears gliding down my cheeks
Will you make wash them away orignore?
Maybe I know the answer
But maybe I want to believe
That little bit hope that's left within me
is what makes me breath.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I don't kill.
I don't kill
I torture
Raise of the death
Cry of the soul
Color of the tear
I don't kill my soul
I hide it beneath
the darkened light of the stars.
Hope of the heart
Truth of the eye
Lie of the love
While people cut
Cut so deep
I cry and find a way
to save myself.
Scars of the hidden
Death of the blood
I will survive
Going under is not what I am at.
My heart will succeed.
My soul won't shatter.
Dark Light of the moon
Look of the sun
Lie of a lifetime.
You can't tame me
You can't hurt me.
You can't make me believe in lies
I've known too much to believe
in fairy-tales told by demons.
------------------------
Hold me tight
We are flying
I don't want to fall
again
Spread your wings
You are my angel
Don't leave me in the air
I'll fall.
I've been hurt too often
too don't see the truth your hiding
I just wanna love you
for as long as I have left.
Then you kiss me
all of sudden.
The dizziness behind my love
is making me fall into the dark.
I see your face you are screaming my name.
You are too far away from me.
I fall on the earth and the reality recovers.
I wake up and you are gone..
you don't always come back as you promised.
-----------------------
The second you saw me
we have been together.
Deep inside our souls
is the truth we know that exists.
The hole in my heart was filled again.
You are my soul.
You complete me.
The second I saw you
I knew that I loved you.
The deep blue of your eyes was sad
and your arms covered in red.
Don't let yourself down
I'll fall with you.
Don't let me drown
inside myself
.
I torture
Raise of the death
Cry of the soul
Color of the tear
I don't kill my soul
I hide it beneath
the darkened light of the stars.
Hope of the heart
Truth of the eye
Lie of the love
While people cut
Cut so deep
I cry and find a way
to save myself.
Scars of the hidden
Death of the blood
I will survive
Going under is not what I am at.
My heart will succeed.
My soul won't shatter.
Dark Light of the moon
Look of the sun
Lie of a lifetime.
You can't tame me
You can't hurt me.
You can't make me believe in lies
I've known too much to believe
in fairy-tales told by demons.
------------------------
Hold me tight
We are flying
I don't want to fall
again
Spread your wings
You are my angel
Don't leave me in the air
I'll fall.
I've been hurt too often
too don't see the truth your hiding
I just wanna love you
for as long as I have left.
Then you kiss me
all of sudden.
The dizziness behind my love
is making me fall into the dark.
I see your face you are screaming my name.
You are too far away from me.
I fall on the earth and the reality recovers.
I wake up and you are gone..
you don't always come back as you promised.
-----------------------
The second you saw me
we have been together.
Deep inside our souls
is the truth we know that exists.
The hole in my heart was filled again.
You are my soul.
You complete me.
The second I saw you
I knew that I loved you.
The deep blue of your eyes was sad
and your arms covered in red.
Don't let yourself down
I'll fall with you.
Don't let me drown
inside myself
.
Sunset Diary Series
1)
Dear Diary,
Sunny days don't always last forever.
Just like a friendship doesn't always survive a year or more...
Everything has it's time to begin and his time to end. How sad it may be for those who see it fade away, but that is the way it should and has to be...
I don't believe that everything is written.. I don't believe that somewhere in the sky your future is written in a book no one will ever read..
You can always change your life.. Like your driving a car , you choose the way you want to take and sometimes you get lost .. take a wrong way and you feel like no hope is left in the whole dark empty world.
But what I believe in is that everything happens for a reason, maybe it is for the best that you went that way.. Maybe god wanted it like that..
But if there is no happy end.. it is not the ending..
My friends would have laughed at me right now..
They would have shacked their head.. saying that I think in a way too difficult way. They live life in a different way that I do. I don't think they really care about what's going on around them.
Maybe I am the weird one.. " I should live my life" that is what they say. But I am living! I don't get it!!!
Dear Diary.. that's why I began writing in you.
I began to write a diary a lot when I was younger. But it never was something more about this whole diary thing I wrote, then the wish being like these stupid girls in TV...
I want to get all my thoughts together in one single book..
I hope I can do it..
2)
Dear Diary,
my life is great the way it is. I don't want to change anything.
It is just the best if I leave it the way it is..
Sometimes when you try to make something better you make it much worse and you regret what you've done. And I don't think I want to take that risk.
We were shopping today, me and my friends bought some cool stuff.
On our way home in the bus I looked out of the window and I saw this old man...
He was sitting there on the street , begging for money..
It broke my heart, because we had just spent so much money..
I told the bus driver to stop and went to the old man , he looked at me and I gave him some money in his hand.. I saw myself in the man , I knew it could easily be me..
I had luck to be born in a family like mine , with friends who hep me ..
After I went to the bus everyone looked at me kind of strange.. Of course my friend asked me why I did that.. I answered "Because if I hadn't done it , probably no one would have done it.. "
They smiled at me and shacked their head.. They made me smile.
I felt so much better after that..
I had this good feeling you always have ,when you do something good.
Dear Diary .. I learned a lot ♩♪♫♬
3)
Dear Diary,
I learned , although I don't want my life to change, it changes.
I learned , although I don't want a leaf to fall, I can't let it stick onto a tree forever. When autumn comes it blows it away. Into a whole other world.
Who knows how far that is? Who knows where the leaf will land? Who knows when it will be blown away and if it's ever going to come back ?
My friend has been crying the whole day today. Her grandfather just died. I helped her as good as I could. But even if I wanted the tears not to fall.. they fell.. And I couldn't let a miracle happen and take her family back to our world. I'm a girl , not a god..
But I'm disappointed from myself today. I saw how sad she was. It remembered me when my granduncle had died. My problem is , yes I was sad, of course. But I didn't cry. Until now. I saw my whole family cry. Everyone but me. I think I cried now because I thought about it , why I didn't cry . But I am not sure why I cried, maybe because I was sad .. but maybe because I was disappointed from myself.
You see , I didn't want anything to change. But a lot changed. I changed..
4)
Dear Diary,
I've been asking myself a lot of questions.
Why am I actually writing this?
I thought I would write a diary , so it could help me cope with everything..
I thought it could help me think about everything better.. look at something from all different ways..
But now I think what really made me begin writing this..
Maybe I want someone to find my diary? Maybe I want someone to read it.. but why?
So this someone could help me? Help me with what? Understanding?? Maybe I just needed someone to talk with. Even if this someone is a book.. I need to empty all of my feelings I got inside of my heart. They are way too much that I could deal with them!
I can't look deep into my heart and look for the reason why I am so different, why I am so confused and so sad right now.
If I think about it I would start to cry , I dunno why I would just start to cry..
And it would be very hard for me to stop. Am I depressive? And I just try to ignore everything?
Great now I actually start to think like an Emo..
Well back to the basics..
It's like my heart is a bag.. every time something happens it gets a little but more full..And when I try to look inside it , I can't find the beginning of it. The reason of it.
It's confusing I know. But it's true.
Yeah.. maybe that's the reason I began writing this.. Because I had too much to cope with.. I couldn't empty the bag..
I guess I have to live with the way I am.. I can't change who I am.. or what happened...
I have to find a way to empty the bag..
Before it's too full..
5)
Dear Diary,
Did I tell you what my dream was?
I wanted to help people.. I wanted to get sure no one is hurt..
I wanted to win mission impossible.. I knew it would be hard.
But I never lose hope..
After I few years I asked myself if some people were worth it...
Now I'm sure some people don't deserve help..
I'm not mean or something but seriously I give people second chances.. I help people daily..
I always think if helping doesn't harm me it's ok to help me..
But turned out some people seriously don't care if it harms you or not.. they just put salt in the wound..
I think people deserve a second chance, I always imagine me.. needing this second chance..
So I try to forget about the past , smile and be nice...
But seriously .. sometimes people don't know what it means to be nice..
You know the quote " You give them a finger and they take your whole arm"?
I can understand that !!!
Even if you give this people a third , a forth and even a fifth change.. or more.. they'll never learn..
And if you ask them for help, may it be the most stupid little thing in the whole world, they'll find any excuse in the whole world ... and just say no.. like they are stupid machines..
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!
And then when they need help they'll come back to you, and if you say no now... They'll be like.. " YOUR SO MEAN!" .. OH COME ON !!!
I think a lot f people know people like this..
What they say next is : I give u everything you want!!! I am so nice to you!
And you are like : excuse me... have u actually ever done ANYTHING nice to me?
Dear Diary ,
I am officially not in a good mood..
6)
Dear Diary,
I was very angry yesterday..
A girl in my class freaks me out.. she is one of those very popular stupid girly girls.. whose brain isn't bigger than smashed sherry ...
She thinks she is very popular , but that's not true..
I watched her.. the way she moves and speaks , the way she acts..
I think she's an actor. The girl outside is not the same girl as in the inside...
I don't think I'm the only one who doesn't like her.. She is mean to nearly everybody. Just another trick to keep her acted-outside-self alive. Does she even have a personality? She is just following the crowd. Doing what they do.. Like a fish in the ocean.
Her grades aren't "the best" if you understand what I mean..
She could be way better , but she's scared of what people would think. So stupid. But true is a lot of people are scared of what others think about them. I don;t count myself out. But I learned to deal with it. As long as I am happy everything is Ok..
If the others think I'm not "cool" because I am different it's their problem not mine. A lot of those people are acting. If not all of them. Actors are sad..
Dear Diary,
Did you know this girl was my friend?
I never told you, because it makes me sad to think about it.
But we were BEST friends.. I thought it would never change .. but again I was wrong.
My life changed .. and I didn't even notice..
Like I said we were best friends.. Until this day.. She wanted to fit in with the popular crowd..
And left me standing in a corner all alone.
I'm okay now. I found new friends, who would never ever let me fall.. But still I miss my ex best friend. I still would help her , I would be sad if she's sad and happy when she's happy. Although she wouldn't deserve it..
7)
I'm waiting at the airport..
For one weekend I will escape my daily everyday and go visit my cousin..
She lives in the next city , so it's not very far away.. But the train station had some problems in past few weeks so my parents decided to go with a plane.. I will be alone with my younger brother .. I'm in charge ... -happy-
I wonder if my parents will miss me.. When people travel I'm sad at the beginning but then my sadness fades away and everything is OK..
Why do we miss people when they go away, move away.. or just aren't as close to us as they maybe were before?
Are we scared that something may happen to them , and we can't to anything to help them?
Maybe because I could change , and I won't be the girl they knew before..?
I don't know.. But I hope my mom won't cry .. it would break my heart!!!
Dear Diary ,
It's time for me to go on board..
8)
Dear Diary,
everyone is sleeping, including my little brother. He looks so cute :)
I'm still in the plane. I didn't know that it was such a long flight!!!
Oh god..
I think I'm the only one awake...
Why am I always different? I'm always standing out of the crowd.
It's good .. but I begin to think that to be different isn't always that good..
You should never regret being yourself. That's for sure. And the worst thing you can do is act because you are ashamed of your real self ..
But it's not that funny if you are always alone. If you are the only one standing out if the crowd. It makes you feel weird and not welcome ..
Just like me now. Like a white dot in the middle of a big black piece of paper.
It can hurt. Because your Fantasy will begin to work. And you'll think that you will never find friends in this crazy weird world.
I know this feeling , I have it a lot. People say I'm funny and sometimes they laugh so hard I start to laugh too .
But that's it , there's like no one I know who is like me. Who at least just thinks like me.
It makes you feel like an total outsider.
Dear Diary,
Keeping your real self alive is hard. When not nearly impossible.
But you'll never regret it! You can't be blamed because you acted different for one day anymore. I just spotted a boy who's awake now. And gosh he is cute!!! Doesn't sound like me does it?
But ... see I'm not alone anymore :D
9)
I won't lie... I've got a crush on that guy I saw on the plane.. The only one with his light on.. except me -grins-
So I'm in a crushy mood :D
Let me describe him :
Brown hair , beautiful sea-blue eyes, very tall.. and unbelievably cute .. Btw his name is Kevin :P
You wanna know where I know his name from , Ha??
Well I "tripped" over his bag .. and after he helped me to get up again.. I looked into his eyes ( that's why I know they are sea-blue) and just said my name .. my name is Destiny -smile- I never told you before .. I dunno why... when I know I'll tell you first XD. He said his name after I told him mine.. Turned out we live near each other!!!
I look forward to meet him when we come back home ..
Let's talk about my crazy thoughts ..
Why is love so important to people? Even me, the one who thinks in a little bit different kind of way, couldn't hold herself from getting a crush like every girl.. And I even thought of a plan how to know his name.. Did I tell you I also got his number? YAY!
I'm acting way to girlish than I normally do.. this is getting weird.. lol
But seriously a girls' life can go from AWESOME to BAAAAD because of a guy.. that's stupid right?
You should never care about a guy "too" much .. never forget your friends!!!!! That's like the most important rule in the Girl-codex..
If you wonder what that is.. it's pretty easy to understand. It's like some rules who keep us women together!
And they aren't really written down some where , it's in a girls' brain...
Always ask yourself these questions and you always know what to do:
- if I was her what would I do , think?
- What would I have done?
- Would I like to do that ? If.....?
Those are the 3 most important :D
The answers will tell you what to do and that's the Girl-Codex in my world..
I'm at my cousins now .. it's still very early and I'm the only one awake yet..
Again I'm the different one.. -sighs-
Maybe I could sleep a little bit longer..?
Dear Diary,
never forget that your best friends are WAY more important than ANY guy in the whole universe..
10)
Sunset Diary 10
I'm waiting alone at home for my family to come. My aunt is taking my little brother from Nursery school and my cousin is at a friends' house to study..
It's so silent. I can hear the souls in the walls.. if you wonder why I just wrote that I'll explain it for you.
My cousins' house is over 300 years old. I do believe in spirits and ghosts. I believe that every soul has to has an end. And I think if this soul has been tortured it can't find a good end. It will stay alive looking for a way to get a better ending ..
Like every one who lives in this house is dead. I have the weird feeling that I can hear them scream.. Not all of them but a few. It hurts deep inside of me .. Like I want to help but I can't.
That's just another weird way I think ...
Let's talk about some other weird ways..
Do you think there are more planets with life on it than ours?
I mean why not? I think that like we have a bazillion planets in only OURS...
For example those tiny Motes which fly in the air sometimes. Imagine little very tiny people living on there. Maybe the room where this mote is is like a universe for the thing that lives on that mote..
Of course they may look different .. but at least there LIFE on it , right?
This little mote could me a whole other planet we just can't discover.. because it's so tiny.. or maybe we are just something like a "mote" .. but how could we know the truth?
Basically a mote is a planet.. Imagine all those Bacteria and Microbes living on it...
Maybe there is more life on it than we think?
I can't just understand the people who think that there is no more for human being to discover. It seems so impossible to me...
Dear Diary,
maybe the human is too dumb to see those little things sometimes.
But only thinking of it is very exciting.. We should have an eye on it..
x
11)
Sunset Diary 11
Dear Diary,
Kevin and I had a date.. :)
He sent me a message just minutes after I finished writing my last diary entry.
Then we talked on the phone , it seemed that we talked years to me..
Then he asked me out -smile-
I hope I'm not one of those kind of girls whose world breaks into pieces because of a guy...
It's not a big deal..
We were eating pizza , sitting on a bench.. somewhere in nowhere....
We did not kiss.. :D
I mean who kisses on the first date??
It was a great day..
I'm happy :D
Dear Diary,
Kevin and I had a date.. :)
He sent me a message just minutes after I finished writing my last diary entry.
Then we talked on the phone , it seemed that we talked years to me..
Then he asked me out -smile-
I hope I'm not one of those kind of girls whose world breaks into pieces because of a guy...
It's not a big deal..
We were eating pizza , sitting on a bench.. somewhere in nowhere....
We did not kiss.. :D
I mean who kisses on the first date??
It was a great day..
I'm happy :D
12)
Sunset Diary
Dear Diary ,
I realized that not always what you think is right.. is right!
I thought if I just hold myself back and don;t try to be the only fake flower in a garden full of real flowers I'll be clean.
But I was sooo wrong!
I hate myself sometimes.
but I think maybe you know it already right?
I don't know why I write that now..
Nothing happened today that showed me that! I mean nothing special happened that really opened my eyes and told me Destiny you are wrong!!!
Maybe I knew it a long time ago but just realized it now!
But seriously I hate myself so hard right now!
That's why I stopped writing in you Diary..
I don't know if it still makes sense..
Dear Diary..
this could be the last time I write in you..
13)
COMING SOON!
No comments:
Post a Comment